


What is there to Gambit when I have nothing left?

by Little_Ol_Cabbage



Category: The Queen's Gambit (TV)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Drug Abuse, F/F, Fluff and Angst, Getting Together, Hurt/Comfort, alternative paris episode where Beth comes back to the hotel room and Cleo is there
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-10
Updated: 2020-11-23
Packaged: 2021-03-09 00:21:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 4,502
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27485689
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Little_Ol_Cabbage/pseuds/Little_Ol_Cabbage
Summary: This fic explores Beth Harmon's spiral after her crushing defeat with Borgov in Paris and how her relationship with Cleo could change help prevent her from falling further down the rabbit hole. Cleo is there for Beth, not because Beth needs her to be, but because there is mutual attraction there that wants to blossom into something more.
Relationships: Cleo/Beth Harmon
Comments: 27
Kudos: 80





	1. Crushing Defeat

**Author's Note:**

> I did not proof read this but I noticed there are like no fics about this couple and I felt the need to remedy that as soon as possible so apologies for any grammatical errors.

Beth admits, before Townes she never considered the possibility of queerness, whether that be in herself or others. However, ever since Roger, ever since Townes, maybe ever since Jolene, Beth had been pushed out of society’s binary views. The importance of gender had always perplexed Beth. Why did people care so much that she was a woman? Why did they care more so about her gender than her achievements? 

Yet, she never had any chance to explore newfound territory… until Cleo. Cleo, who barged into Beth’s life while she was still trying to figure out her relationship with benny. Cleo, who kissed her as a greeting, but made it feel so much more intimate than “hello.” There was some sort of gravity there, some magnetic pull that pushed Beth to continue to seek Cleo out throughout the night in New York. But, just as quickly as she came, Cleo was gone and Beth was once again, obsessed with Chess. 

Chess would always be the top priority in Beth’s life. It had been one of the only constants in her life. Something which was so personal and grounding, and yet a destructive power to it. When Cleo called the night before her match with Borgov, she knew she shouldn’t go downstairs. But that goddamn french accent made her feel like this was a gambit worth taking. Almost everyone she had hooked up with before had stemmed from competition. Cleo was different, she was captivating because of her confidence, her outspoken nature, her openness with her past, her natural charisma… Beth does not feel a need for Cleo, but there is definitely something unidentifiable between them. Admittedly, she didn’t want to face it, especially before Borgov, and yet, here she was on her fifth drink, talking about love and fucking. 

Beth said Townes on a whim, just to see how Cleo would react. Unfortunately, that backfired as they were not chatting with two revolting men. Yet, this was comforting in its own right. Relationships had never been easy for Beth. But, losing Shiable had taught her to reach out to those she cares about. And maybe it’s the alcohol, but Beth feels a sudden need to retreat back into her room. Not to go over defenses or endgames, but because she really couldn’t stop staring at Cleo. 

“You know what, I have a big game tomorrow, so I think it’s about time Cleo and I take our leave” 

Cleo looks at her astonished, but after a pointed look from Beth, something clicks within her. “Yes, yes, Beth must rest, but it was fun while it lasted. Good night.” 

Beth had never been one to initiate intimacy, she liked throwing hints and playing games, but never reached out and made the first move. And yet, Cleo wasn’t the one who took Beth’s hands and led her to the hotel room. Cleo wasn’t the one who whispered “can I kiss you?” behind closed doors. Beth had never wanted someone so desperately. 

Kissing Cleo wasn’t like kissing anyone else. She was soft, but not delicate. She made the moment passionate instead of fierce. When Beth slept with Benny, it was good, and yet there was no real emotion there. And if there was, it was crushed by Benny’s spiel of chess moves right afterwards. With Cleo, it was different. No facial hair. No chess. Just black hair, a french accent, a body that was probably sculpted after Aphrodite, the taste of alcohol and cigarettes, and nimble fingers in unforgettable moments.  
Though it seems all good things must come to an end. Beth had witnessed this time and time again in her life. Her biological mother, Alma, chess, chess. Losing to Borgov crushed her. She was spiralling and she knew it. She wanted to run away from everyone and everything. Just being in the hotel, benign around people was suffocating. Beth needed a drink. 

Yet, things never go to plan do they? Opening her hotel door, she saw Cleo, fully dressed now sitting on the bed staring at her. In all honesty, Beth had completely forgotten about Cleo, but seeing her now, on the bed they shared mere hours ago, waiting expectantly for her with open arms broke the last straw. Beth heard the door click shut behind her and the tears just built up, one by one on the rim of her eyes and then fell in streams. 

Beth didn’t even attempt to wipe away her tears, she just stayed rooted at the doorway, silently falling apart. She didn’t even cry this hard when her mother died. Piece by piece, Beth broke down, and harsh ragged gasps filled the hotel room, and the world felt gray, dead, and cold. 

And then, it wasn’t. A warm embrace, a candle in the hallway of darkness, a steaming mug of tea during a stormy winter night, Cleo. She was there, arms firmly wrapped around Beth, holding her together. Beth knew deep down she would glue herself back together eventually, her past had enough evidence of this. But, to have someone be there to help, to not be alone during these dark moments was something she had never really experienced. Beth didn’t understand why having Cleo here made falling apart easier, why she felt more pain than if she were to face this alone. But also, why she felt okay with breaking down. 

In the arms of her lover? No, it was much too soon to differentiate between a one-night stand, a drunken fling, and something more… But this feeling of safety, of comfort in someone rather than something was new and Beth wanted Cleo to stay in her life. Sobs fell into whimpers as Beth exhausted herself against Cleo, letting her lead her to the bed.

“Here, drink some water, let me take care of you as I am sure we will be caring for each other a lot more in the future” Cleo professed. “Stay here, I know you are tired, but I also know you haven’t eaten since yesterday night, so I will go get some food and come back.” 

Beth wanted to protest, to reach out and pull Cleo into bed with her and rest her head on her chest, finding comfort in the tempo of her breathing. But, drained of energy, Beth did no such thing and she trusted Cleo so she waited in a room that felt colder with an occupation of one. She looked up at the ceiling, seeing no chess board she was left to her thoughts alone. What did Cleo mean by we will be caring for each other a lot more in the future? Did Cleo see Beth in her future? She wanted Cleo in her future. But thoughts of Cleo quickly morphed into Borgov and chess and losing, losing, losing. 

Hollow, that’s what Beth felt. This empty shell, the goal of beating Borgov, futile. She felt worthless. *Click* Footsteps brought her back to reality. 

“Hi…” Beth murmured, “I-” 

“It’s fine love, you don’t need to say anything. I hope you like italian” Cleo settled beside Beth with two cartons of food, not caring about the white bed sheets. “Beth, I saw the end of your game and I wanted to say that this loss does not mean you will not win in the future. I do not know about chess, but that night at Benny’s has shown me everything I need to know. You are not a single game, Beth” 

Beth attempted to process Cleo’s words, but how could she do such things without knowing anything about chess? Without seeing how tragic of a loss she had endeavoured. Yet, here was Cleo, looking at her through long eyelashes, with such sincerity it was overwhelming.

“What did you mean by taking care of each other in the future?” questioned Beth.

“Hm? Well whatever you want it to mean. Maybe we will only cross paths in Paris, between your chess matches and my modelling. Or maybe, we will pursue what we had yesterday night further. Hm, how do the people say? I believe it to be, your move Beth” 

But, Beth didn’t know what move to make. She didn’t know during her match with Borgov, and she didn’t know now. Instead, she just ate another spoonful of spaghetti, letting the statement hang in the air. They finished their food in silence, Beth’s mind whirling with possibilities.


	2. Lovers?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for you comments on the first chapter, they made me feel really happy and it definitely motivated me to type up this chapter. Unfortunately, I am still extremely busy this week so I didn't proof read, but I hope the story gets across. I love Cleo and Beth together because I'm always a sucker for two wildly independent women falling in love and conquering the world together.

Eventually, they finished their meal and were now laying next to each other in silence. Awkward or comfortable silence, Beth could not say, especially when she could only stare at the ceiling. But, sitting idle was never Beth’s strong suit, though neither was losing. Nevertheless, she chose to shift her body and face Cleo, dragging her eyes away from the empty ceiling into Cleo’s awaiting eyes. 

A soft smile graced Cleo’s face at this gesture, “Hello again” Cleo whispered in a raspy voice. Beth’s sharp intake of air did not go unnoticed by Cleo, neither did Beth’s eyes dropping to her lips as she spoke. Cleo wanted nothing more than to kiss Beth in the moment, sooth all of her stresses, but Cleo understood that it was still Beth’s move. She chose to sacrifice her pawn, all Beth had to do now, was take it, take her. 

Beth’s hand meekly lifted up her hand and brushed a strand of hair out of Cleo’s face, lingering behind Cleo’s jaw. She held her there a few beats, eyes darting around Cleo’s face, analyzing, calculating. And then there was pressure, pressure on Cleo’s jaw, pressure on her lips, pressure elsewhere, down below. There was so much pressure, and yet Cleo felt light as she gasped into Beth’s kiss. Cleo’s hands instinctively found their place, one on Beth’s hip, the other on the bed, steadying herself as she adjusted her body to get closer. 

The kiss broke, leaving the two women out of breath. Cleo was now straddling Beth, tracing her eyes from Beth’s eyes, to her lips, to her collarbones, to her chest, to anywhere and everywhere that was Beth. 

“How long are you going to be in Paris?” questioned Cleo. 

“There’s nothing keeping me in Kentucky” Beth replied, though her eyes kept falling from Cleo’s face to where her own hips were covered by another. 

The unspoken words which hung in the air suddenly evaporated as Cleo moved to kiss Beth. She kissed down Beth’s jawline, stopping right before Beth’s collarbone. She put extra pressure at that point, feeling Beth arch beneath her, making her smile against Beth’s neck. Cleo’s hand travelled down Beth’s body, stopping at her chest where she began to make circles with her thumb. Beth gasped beneath her, and Cleo was just about to take off Beth’s dress until suddenly, the phone rang. Cleo looked at Beth questioningly, cocking her head to the side. 

Beth, head cloudy, clearly hadn’t even heard the shrill ring of the phone, and only picked up on Cleo stopped her motions. 

“Cheri, do you want me to pick up the phone” Cleo rasped out. A nod came in response, and so Cleo lifted herself off Beth’s body, though not without a kiss, and went to get the phone. 

“Yes hello? Cleo speaking”

“Hello, there is a Benny Watts wanting to contact Beth Harmon, is she in the room with you?” 

“Oh yes, give me one second” Cleo muted the phone with her palm, “Beth? Benny wants to talk to you”

Upon hearing this, Beth groaned and sat up. “Can you just tell him we’re busy, I don’t want to talk to him at the moment. He’s just going to talk about my match with Borgov and I do not want to think about that at the moment.” 

Cleo nodded at that and returned to the call, “Okay put him through.” 

“Hello, Beth?”

“No, this is Cleo, Beth is busy at the moment” Cleo heard Beth approaching her from behind, as although she didn’t want to talk to him, she did want to know what they would talk about. She sat in the chair next to the table which housed the phone and took Cleo’s unoccupied hand. 

“Cleo? What are you doing in Beth’s hotel room? You know what that doesn’t matter, just tell her to get on the phone, there are some chess things I need to talk to her about” Beth felt Cleo’s hand tighten within hers and looked up and saw that Cleo was not pleased by Benny’s tone. 

“No, I do not think you understand me so I will repeat myself. Beth is busy at the moment, you can talk to her when she is not.” And with that Cleo hung up the phone and returned her attention to where it wanted to be in the moment.   
“We should talk about where this is going Beth, I don’t want this to turn into something you don’t want it to be.” Cleo said, using the hand that was originally holding the phone to gently stroke Beth’s cheek. It was weird to be so soft with someone many considered to be cold and ruthless. Yet, here Beth was, reciprocating and finally letting herself be taken care of, to cry in front of someone, to not take on all of life’s burdens alone. 

“I’ve never done relationships, but I want to try with you. I don’t know how this is going to work, but it seems like I don’t know much these days” 

“Hm, well I am in Paris for the next two weeks, let me take you back to my flat and explore what being lovers is like, yes?” 

“...yes” Beth breathed out, letting Cleo pull her up into a kiss she had been waiting for ever since the last one stopped.


	3. Cleo's Place

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to the one person who commented, you single-highhandedly motivated me to complete this chapter. I apologize for how short this is, but time still a finite quantity that I do not have enough of. I hope everyone who reads this enjoys it nonetheless, thank you again for the support.

“And this, Cheri, is my place.” Cleo declared as she led Beth through the doorway of her small apartment. The flat was definitely an upgrade from Benny’s place, though Beth thought anything would be an upgrade from Benny’s place. Cleo’s flat was obviously lived in, but decently pristine as well. She didn’t take Cleo for someone who liked to keep things so nicely organized, but Beth supposed she didn’t know much about Cleo yet. 

“It’s nice.” Beth responded, taking her time to examine everything around her, as if it were a chess board. She desperately wanted to learn more about Cleo, and if she didn’t know how to ask, then insight through observation was her territory. Beth walked towards a table near the window sill where some a few pictures sat and magazines were spread out. Picking one of the frames up, she saw a younger Cleo smiling with her family. Yet, even with a smile, Beth could tell that Cleo wasn’t happy then. She looked as if she was uncomfortable being seen, and this was made particularly clear when Beth compared the Cleo in the photo to the Cleo right beside her, back straight with an aura of confidence many would be intimidated by. 

“My parents” Cleo clarified “I was seventeen in that photo.”

“Hm, what were your parents like?” Beth turned to face Cleo, putting the frame back where she got it.

“They were nice people, but not very attentive. I believe they cared more about making money than the child they were responsible for.” 

“Oh… I’m sorry” 

“No, don’t be. We are still on good terms” Cleo replied with a soft smile.

“I don’t have parents anymore. I grew up with my mom for the first few years until she died, and then… I’m sure you know about Mrs. Wheatley.” 

“I am sorry as well then. I cannot even imagine going through that, you are incredibly strong to still be here” Cleo softly stroked her arm as she stepped closer to Beth. 

“It’s fine, I’m okay now as well.” Beth whispered, staring up into Cleo’s eyes as she felt Cleo’s hand slow on her arm. 

This time, it was not Cleo who initiated the kiss but Beth. Passion ignited instantly, as if Beth had dropped a match in the puddle of gasoline between them. She felt Cleo lead them to her bed in the corner, and let herself fall when she felt the frame behind. Above her, Cleo shed her outer layers as Beth lay stunned on the bed. Beth was good with suppressing grief, but these new emotions? They were so overwhelming that there was nothing Beth could do to temper them. She could only stare at Cleo’s now nude torso, but the staring was short lived as she felt Cleo straddle her on the bed and start kissing down her jawline. 

Breathy moans escaped Beth’s mouth as she felt Cleo’s hands roam over her body. Women really do it better. Beth thought to herself. Cleo proceeded kissing Beth stopping occasionally to strip Beth of her layers. They continued this dance between them until both were too exhausted to say or do anything else. 

Beth was the first to wake up, feeling Cleo cuddled up behind her. Slowly turning her body around, as to not wake her lover, Beth admired Cleo’s sleeping form. Beth thought about a future with Cleo, but there were just so many complications. They were both constantly travelling and on two entirely different career paths. Despite this, Beth was willing to try. 

“Mmm, good morning darling” Cleo rasped as she pulled Beth closer. Beth smiled at her lover and kissed her softly. 

“Good morning, do you have any food in the fridge? I can go and make breakfast” Beth questioned.

“Hm, no I do not think so. But, my favourite coffee shop is only a ten minute walk away, why don’t we go there” 

“Okay, I’ll go take a shower then” Beth agreed. Unfortunately, right as she got out of bed, her legs gave out on her and she embarrassingly fell to the ground dragging the blanket with her, leaving Cleo naked on the bed. 

“Looks like I did a good job then” Smugness laced Cleo’s voice as she moved across the bed to check on Beth. 

“Fuck you” Beth said with a fake glare.

“I do plan to” Cleo laughed as she sat up and lifted her legs off the bed, stretching first so as to not make the same mistake as Beth. Her legs were a bit weak as well, but Cleo was more prepared than Beth, who was not as experienced. “Come on darling, didn’t you say something about a shower?”


	4. Coffee and Pigs

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again, thank you so much for the kind comments. Everyone who has commented, I hope you know you are the reason I am motivated to continue this fic. Without y'all, I would only let this ship and these events live within my head. This chapter is mostly dialogue, but the next chapter should be more fluff! If you have any suggestions as to what you want to see, feel free to leave it in the comments and I'll see what I can do.

Cleo’s favourite coffee shop measured up to expectations. It was cozy and not too crowded. Most of the tables were filled with elderly couples or groups chatting away over breakfast. Cleo and Beth sat, tucked away in a corner with some pastries and drinks. 

It suddenly occurred to Beth that this was the first date she had ever been on. All of her experiences with intimacy just led to generally dissatisfactory sex. Gazing up at Cleo, beautiful as ever, Beth wasn’t thinking about chess for once. Cleo easily drew attention everywhere she went, and Beth was definitely guilty of being so entirely captivated by her. 

Unfortunately, their staring contest was broken when a decent-looking man approached the table. “Hello ladies, why I don’t believe we’ve ever met before. I am Bartholomew Affreux! What are your names?” He stood over their table with a faux charm that screamed desperate. Beth wanted to flip him off, though she didn’t want to escalate the situation since she planned to stay and finish her breakfast. 

“Hello.” Beth replied and immediately picked up her form and violently stabbed into her omelette. Yet, men seem to be the definition of dense and this did not deter Bartholomew in the slightest. 

“Bonjour, I am Cleo, but my friend and I planned to enjoy our breakfast only with each other's company.” 

“Oh, but surely you will not mind my company! Why don’t I buy you another drink after you’re done with your current one. Give me a chance before you shut me down!” Bartholomew protested, now solely talking to Cleo. 

“No, we do not want your company and I assure you, Cleo is certainly not interested in you, nor can I imagine any woman to be.” Beth exasperated before she could stop herself. Glancing away from her glare at Bartholomew to Cleo, she saw swallow as her gaze turned into something heavier. 

“Well, you heard her” 

“What?! Are you taken already? Because if you are single, surely you would be missing out on a once in a lifetime opportunity! I’ll have you know I hardly approach females, they usually approach me!” 

“Well if you must know, I am taken. So please, save yourself some face and walk away now, you are creating a scene” Cleo responded calmly, though Beth could tell she was irritated beyond what she presented. 

“Who is this man? Is he nearby? One drink Cleo, and then I’ll be out of your hair, look at me, I am everything a woman could ask for. I have money as well” Bartholomew was practically begging at this point and all Beth could think of was how pathetic he was. Watching grown men act like little boys never failed to disgust Beth. 

“Do you not understand the meaning of no? She said no. Fuck off” This time Beth stood up to fully face Bartholomew. Even though he was a decent amount taller, she could see the hesitation in his face. Bartholomew heaved like angry boar and stormed off, but not after having the last word. 

“Oh, I see so you two are fucking sluts. I should’ve known, no wonder you wouldn’t talk to me at first. You’re fucking whores, well I’m glad I don’t have to talk to you anymore.” spit out Bartholomew. 

Beth looked around, and half of the coffee shop was now staring at her. Squaring her shoulders, she sat back down and faced her lover again. 

“Thank you. Has anyone told you that you are incredibly hot when you’re angry?” Cleo reached out her hand and placed it over Beth’s hand for a quick moment before retreating it back to her side. 

“Well I can’t stand men who act like pigs” 

“Hm, yes me neither. Hopefully now we can enjoy our breakfast in peace, yes?” 

“That would be nice” Beth smiled softly at Cleo, picking up her fork again. “You know this is my first date.” 

“Really now? That surprises me because you are both intelligent and beautiful! Though I suppose men like their women to not think for themselves... “ 

“I’ve never been good with intimacy, but I’m glad to be here with you right now.” 

“I am happy to share this with you as well. Tell me, are you enjoying the breakfast here? This is my favourite place because their eggs are so fluffy and soft! It’s also not too crowded, I can usually get a spot without reservation.”

“Yes, these are definitely great. Thank you again” Beth wished to kiss Cleo in this moment, but as much as she despised the world’s obsession with gender, she didn’t want to put her life or Cleo’s life in danger. Not when they just started dating and it already felt like us against the world.


	5. Walk the Plank Benny.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I AM SO SORRY FOR THE LACK OF CHAPTERS. I HAVE BEEN SWAMPED FOR SCHOOL WORK, IN FACT THIS WEEK IS SUPER BUSY SO I WON'T BE ABLE TO POST. I'm sure many of you understand as finals season is coming upon us. Don't worry, I don't plan to discontinue this fic, but I will have to slow down to posting weekly (hopefully). THank you once again for the amazing comments, you guys keep me going. I apologize for the short chapter, but I hope you enjoy it regardless.

“Beth, honey, I’m going to go and get some groceries okay?” Cleo communicated from across the room, as she grabbed her keys and went choose a coat. 

“Okay, be safe” Beth replied distractedly, immersed in her chess book with the board in front of her, replicating openings and studying pawn structure. Turns out, Cleo had a chess board lying around, left by Hilton the last time he was over. 

Cleo walks over to Beth after she puts on her coat and gently pushes the book down so that Beth is forced to look at her. Cleo then tilts her head down and kisses Beth who eagerly reciprocates. 

“Do you want anything?” Cleo asks, breaking the kiss before it becomes too heated. 

“What?” 

“I’m going grocery shopping, remember?” 

“Oh, right. Can you get some pasta? I’m a bit homesick and I ate canned pasta any time Mrs. Wheatley didn’t want to cook.”

“Of course, see you soon”

“Bye honey” Beth bid before picking up her book which she dropped due to a rude interruption from her girlfriend. It had been a week since their first date and the two women had settled into a comfortable rhythm. It felt weird to have consistent company again, but Beth wasn’t complaining. 

A part of her was still crushed by her defeat with Borgov. Sometimes at night, she wouldn’t be able to fall asleep and just stare at the ceiling running through every single mistake she made during that game. At the moment, she really wanted a drink but after opening up to Cleo one evening about her drinking issues, Cleo promptly threw out any and all alcohol in the apartment. Part of her was thankful that her girlfriend did this for her, but the other part was desperate for inhibition. 

Returning her focus back into her chess book, she continued her previous actions before Cleo left. Russia was only a few weeks away and she needed to study. But, right as she settled down, the shrill ring of Cleo’s phone rang on the desk by the window. Getting up, Beth hesitated before picking up the phone, noting that this was still Cleo’s place, though ultimately decided to just tell the person that Cleo was busy.

“Hello, Cleo is busy at the moment, please call back another time” 

“Beth?! Wait, don't hang up, it’s Benny. I’ve been trying to reach you for days, why are you at Cleos?” 

“Oh hi Benny, I didn’t know you cared that much about me” 

“Beth! Of course I care about you! Come back to New York, I’ve been analyzing your game with Borgov ever since that match and I have some insights I want to share.” 

“Look Benny, that’s sweet, but I’m with Cleo at the moment and I don’t plan to leave”

“What?! Beth, you’re going to Russia in a couple of weeks, what you need right now is to work on your middle game. What, are you dating her?”

“... Benny stay out of it, don’t tell me what to do with my life, thanks for the offer but I’ve already said no” 

“Oh my fucking god?! Are you actually dating her?! Do you know how fucked up that is? Beth just come to New York, I always knew Cleo was weird, just -” 

Beth hung up before she had to hear more of the greasy pirate’s voice. The silence of the apartment now made her feel uneasy. She tried to return to her chess book, but her mind just wasn’t in it. She liked Benny, but this side of him was crossing the line for Beth. His ego, she could handle, but this? This made Beth furious. But, she knew that Benny still cared for her, so she would talk to him in a couple of days when she cooled down. For now, she had to think of a way to tell Cleo...


End file.
